**Warning! This is not your usual Clazzerati blog post. If you don't fancy a deluge of my thoughts please feel free to look at the pictures and admire my bag ;-)*
I started Clazzerati in May 2010. My eyes had been opened to the world of (fashion and crafting) blogging and I loved tuning in to this online world every few days. Seeing how girls like me - on a budget - styled and mixed up their wardrobes, made their own clothes and gave old pieces of furniture a new lease of life.
And so Clazzerati was born. I blogged about my day, things I'd seen. I didn't have a set genre, but over time I found my 'thing'. My passion; outfits posts, making clothes and crafting. Clazzerati became my online portfolio, my creative outlet. But most importantly it was free from agenda or criticism.
You see, when I was 15 I was told by an English teacher never to take an essay subject, He said I was a terrible writer. And I believed him. I went on to do Communications and Media studies at Uni (media sounded cool) but I hated writing the essays. I remember revising for exams, memorising sentences I'd found online and regurgitating them as my own because they sounded 'clever'. Well, I couldn't write, could I?
Starting a career in
London, PR actually (again, I thought it sounded cool. Ab Fab anyone?), I quickly realised how much writing was involved, and that I knew nothing about grammar - why hadn’t I been taught this at school? Maybe that was why my teacher had branded me such a terrible writer. I learnt quickly, proof-reading others' work. But still I hated writing. And quickly decided PR wasn’t for me...but I loved the company where I worked so changed paths and became a PA.
And then I started the blog. And writing. And enjoying writing. Because on my little blog no-one could criticise what I wrote, not really. I didn't have to include any key messages, watch my sentence structure, or even worry about my spelling (that soon changed after the Bot pointed out how horrific it was - cue spell checks and proofing!).
Friends started to read the blog and after a while I even started to get approached by high street fashion brands - invites to the odd press day, free samples. This all seemed very odd. What did I know about all this? I love clothes, yes, but I haven’t got a clue who wore what at the S/S 2013 catwalk show. If I wear a skirt and someone comments, "Oh that's so Mui Mui A/W 2012" I nod and smile but that's not why I bought the damn thing, I just liked it.
I digress (those who know me in the "real" world will kindly inform you this happens. A lot. Apologies). But one day the unthinkable happened. Someone told me they liked how I wrote on the blog...because it sounded like me. How I spoke, how I was in real-life. Authentic even. I was dumbfounded. For years I had feared, avoided and dreaded writing. And now suddenly here I was being told someone liked my writing - this must mean I couldn't actually write, non? Bloody hell.
My sporadic posting over the past few months is really down to one factor. Sure, i've been "busy" but really I lost my blogging mojo. I didn’t know what to blog about anymore. Did anyone really care? People would tell me I should be blogging about this or that. When did this become their blog. And of course I got engaged. Very exciting. And very time-consuming! And I’m also looking for a house. Pff, excuses, excuses.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want in life. This weekend was the first anniversary of a friend who died last year. And in July it will be three years since my dad died. During each of these tragic times I’ve told myself to ‘live for the moment’, ‘do what makes me happy’, ‘live as if today is your last day’. All the usual clichés. But I never do. In time life starts to return to some kind of normal. I suppose it has to really. And all those 'life-changing' thoughts disappear, and normality returns.
But this anniversary has really got me thinking about my blog. And the point of it. I feel like I’m 'supposed' to blog 3-5 times per week. Why? Because that’s what someone, somewhere decided was right. Well, if you want followers to keep on coming back. Which of course I do. Followers validate you as a blogger, don't they? Maybe.
I guess what i’ve been trying to say in this post (and if you’re still with me, drinks are on me at the bar later) is that I want to reclaim my blog. As MY personal creative outlet. I’m not saying things will dramatically change. Or that I won’t work with brands anymore. But more that this isn't a “fashion” blog. It’s just a blog. A place where I can write about anything (but realistically, it’s more than likely going to be about clothes, sewing, crafting, weddings…), post photos, share tutorials of crafty projects. If I post a few times a week, so be it. If I disappear for 2 weeks, well, it’s probably because I’m having a life.
Because ultimately that’s what life is for. It’s for living. Not sitting in front of a computer. And who knows. In another year I may have even mastered the knack of condensing my thoughts into a nice succinct 250 word article. Like a proper writer, innit.
Cardigan: vintage via my gran
T-shirt: H&M men