Sunday, 8 May 2011

Why?

Sometimes in life we repeatedly ask ourselves "why?" It's a question I have asked myself many times over the past few weeks.  This isn't a post about fashion.  Far from it.  But this blog has always been a personal venture of mine.  A place to share my thoughts and ideas, and although my love is fashion, today my thoughts are far more personal.  I've thought about writing this post many times, more for cathartic reasons.  I'm sorry if it makes anyone feel uncomfortable, and it's certainly not a post that is searching for approval or comments.  And for that reason I have turned the comments off.


The past few weeks have been incredibly trying.  On Easter Sunday my beloved granddad died unexpectedly.  Yes, he was 89, but he was in great health and still living independently.  The last of my grandparents it came as a great shock.  I had made a promise with myself to make more of an effort to see him this year.  Sometimes life takes over and we forget about those people who are truly important to us because they don't live close.  I had only seen him the other month and had enjoyed listening to his amazing stories about the war and how he first met my grandmother, and how they got together.  They are stories I will cherish forever.


Then the Bot was taken into hospital.  I won't go in to the details here as I respect his privacy.  He is still in hospital but improving slowly.  Even so I miss my best friend dearly.  I visit him everyday but constantly ask myself how I can help him more.


And then a couple of days ago a dear, dear colleague at work died in a freak accident.  I can only describe Gav as a complete and utter legend.  The life and soul of the office, he was big into his music, running a festival and various nights in London.  


And so I keep asking myself "why?"  Why them, why now, why?  And i'm afraid there is no answer that will ever justify these events.  Life is cruel sometimes.  It can feel like it's testing us, pushing us to our limits.  But at this unbelievably sad time I take solace in the generosity and kindness of those around me.  Life has thrown me a few curve balls in its time.  My biggest low was the passing of my father almost two years ago.  At a time when I really believed things would never be the same, and I wondered if I could ever truly be happy, very slowly things got better.  I can't say now when that time will come this time, but I know it will.  For now the pain is too raw.  I'm angry, sad, overwhelmed and can't see the point of anything.  But with time, I know things will get easier.  How?  Because of the wonderful support of those around me.  At these trying times it is the love of my friends and family who make each day a little bit easier.  My friends make me who I am today.  I know i'm incredibly lucky to have the support of such amazing people.  


I wanted to share a reading I gave at my father's funeral.  I actually found it on his laptop.  I'm not sure if he intended for me to read it at his funeral but it felt right.  Its words gave me comfort, and I refer to them now to help me once again.  May they help you too if ever life throws you a curve ball.



If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say "I LOVE YOU" and would assume not, stupidly, that you know already.

There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you, and that I will never forget you.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old.

Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you musn't wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives.

I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in person how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them "I am sorry"; "forgive me"; "please"; "thank you", and all those loving words you know.

Nobody will know you for your secret thoughts.  Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them.

Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.

I'll be back soon, but for now I simply wish you love.

Clara xxx